mix, bake at 350 degrees until golden and bubbly (~20-30 minutes)

You will need:
1 eggplant, largish. Peel and cube.
1 head garlic, chop the flat end off.
1 medium onion, chopped fine or minced.
1 can crushed tomatoes
Oregano, to taste
salt, to taste
pepper, to taste
broth or stock (chicken for preference but vegetable is OK if you want this to be a vegeterian soup)

place eggplant cubes on a well oiled tray alongside garlic (chopped side up) and roast in a 400-degree oven for 10-15 minutes until they’re tender and done; remove eggplant and let the garlic take another 20-45 minutes (until it’s well into the “pure liquefied garlic goo fastastic paste” stage). While it’s roasting, sweat the onion (with a pinch of salt). Once everything is roasted (cooked and soft), mix the eggplant and garlic (careful, it’s molten lava at this point) either mash or blend to a consistency you enjoy — this will get thinned out with some broth or stock later, so thick-ish is really a good idea. Once the eggplant is mushed, drop it in with the onion and add the crushed tomatoes, add the spices (you can replace “oregano” with “italian seasoning” if you like) and heat to consistency. Thin out with stock or broth to taste.

white trash pakoras

Pakoras (sometimes called bhaji) are basically fritters with some kind of vegetable or meat and indian spices. Most recipes call for either Dal or besan flour, which unless you have an asian market right nearby, good luck finding some. To that end, this recipe uses cornmeal — specifically, “hush puppy mix”, which is why they’re “white trash” pakoras.

You will need:

1 packet hush puppy mix and whatever the instructions call for (usually milk or water)
1 medium onion, diced
1 bell pepper (red or yellow for color)
1/2 can of garbanzo beans
1/2 can of peas
1/4 head of cauliflower, chopped
a handful of chopped cilantro
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp garam marsala
1 tsp ground cardomom
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp chili powder (or chili flakes); can also substitute chopped chili pepper.
1/2 tsp paprika

mix everything together well and using a scoop (or spoon) drop into rocket-hot oil — vegetable or peanut oil — until they brown. Serve hot; usually makes a few more than what the hush puppy mix indicates (since you wind up increasing the amount of “mix” by adding the vegetables).

edited to add:  i have since tweaked the recipe. previous recipe too busy, albeit delicious. here’s the no-frills version: no other veg other than garbanzos and chopped onion, the spice mixture is now .5 (half) tsp of: yellow curry, red curry, chili pepper, cinnamon, cardomom, cumin, garam marsala, dill, paprika and 1 tbsp of mustard seeds; this mixed with a packet of 89-cent onion-flavored hush puppy mix (something that has flour in it, not just pure cornmeal, although you do want the cornmeal in there), 1c onion, 1 can of garbanzos and about a cup of liquid (water/milk, whatever). makes about 30 somewhat awesome fritters.

- half a cup of almond slivers and half a cup of raisins (golden or not, doesn’t matter). The cooking will plump them up nicely.
- cranberries (cf above about plumping)
- cashews — the cooking will make them quite soft and they add a mellow flavor.
- chopped mint leaves; this works particularly well with jasmine aromatic rice and thai/indian dishes.
- minced garlic and butter; about a clove or two and about a tablespoon’s worth of butter added about 10 minutes into the cooking process will be great. mind you don’t burn the garlic, that smells horrible and tastes worse.
- minced onions, cooked. this is a bit of a pain because you have to cook the onions ahead of time, but it works great in combination with:
- bacon, finely chopped. fry the bacon and while you wait for it to cool for chopping, sauté the onion in the bacon drippings.

Really, anything that goes well with your dish will do well incorporated into the rice as long as it’s texturally like the rice (ie, avoid silken tofu) and is given time to meld it’s flavors with the rice. Delicate flavors you may want to leave until after cooking, lemon zest being a good example.

• 3 cheeses — 2 slices of something white (say a meunster or swiss), 2 slices something yellow (cheddar or american) and about 3 spoonful’s worth of feta (bleu works too).
• bread — sliced, i recommend rye but anything works, really.
• 1 tomato slice, 1/2″ thick (can be replaced by onion)
• butter
• 1 clove garlic
• 2 spoon’s worth of olive oil
• optional: bacon, olives, mushrooms.
• optional: mustard on one slice of bread

butter a slice of bread, drop half a spoonful of butter in a pan with 1 spoonful of olive oil, coat the bottom of the pan and then put the bread in it. medium-low heat — you’re gonna be here a while. put the meunster on the bread. get your tomato slice and poke out the slimy shit in it (seeds pulp etc) so that you have a tomato-spoke. lay on the muenster cheese and fill the empty tomato spokes with the feta. put the slices of cheddar on top of that. lay the other slice of bread on top and butter it. to ensure the cooking side doesn’t stick, shake the pan and the weight of the sandwich should shift it. while you wait for it to brown, take your garlic and slice it thin like you’ve been watchin’ goodfellas too much. flip yr sammich and press some of the garlic slices into the bread. while the raw side cooks, wait. sing a song or something. when it’s done, flip (so the garlic on top caramelizes a bit) and press the garlic slices that are left into the bread. drizzle half a teaspoon of olive oil on top and flip again, drizzle the oil that remains and serve. wait at least a minute before cutting it or you’re gonna get cheese soup. Which is hard to eat inside a sandwich.

you can replace (or augment) the feta with olives (or olive tapenade,) mushrooms and/or bacon.

If you made it right, it’s about an inch and a half thick, and a fucking hearty brick to keep your gut happy.

you want the tomato slice to be thick — about 1/2″ or so — so that the tomato itself doesn’t get hot. the cheese next to the bread will melt the feta, but if the tomato’s thick, it won’t cook very much and you will therefore have an island of cool, refreshing vegetable in a sea of molten deliciousness.

Inspired by Jimbo’s recent recipe, here’s my recipe for chicken tikka masala. you will need:

• 1lb chicken (2 large or 3 small breasts should be around right)
• 1Tablespoon olive oil
• 3 cloves garlic
• 1 small onion or 1/2 large onion
• 1 spoonful of garam marsala
• 1/4 cup curry powder
• 1/8 cup chili powder
• 1 large can of crushed tomatoes
• 1/2 stick butter
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 3/4 cup cottage cheese
• 1 cup basmati rice
• 4 or 5 sprigs of mint (or raisins and almond slivers)

heat the olive oil, crush and slice the garlic and sautee it. Once half-done at very low heat, throw in the sliced and chopped onion, throw in a pinch of salt and the butter. While it melts, cube the chicken breasts and toss them in the garam marsala and then into the pan. Cook all thoroughly. When the chicken’s done, toss in the curry and chili powders and stir until they’re incorporated. Pour in the tomatoes and let the mix heat up again, then include the cream and cottage cheese. Leave simmering at medium-low heat while you prepare the rice, which is stupid easy: rice and water in a covered bowl in the microwave at full power for 5 mins, then half-power for 10 minutes. Let it sit 5 mins while you chop up the mint, which you will incorporate into the rice while fluffing with fork. (substitute golden raisins and almond slivers if you don’t like minty rice).

Serve the tikka masala on the rice. Consider buying some naan bread. Serves at least 4.

To wit, you will need:

• 1 container of greek yogurt
• 1 container of sour cream
• 1 cucumber, large, seeded and chopped (or grated) however you like it. peeling optional.
• 4 cloves of garlic, minced (or chopped)
• 6 leaves of mint, rolled into a tube and chopped into tiny shreds
• a sprig of dill, chopped into nothingness as well
• 1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice
• pepper to taste

regular plain yogurt strained in a cloth will work if you can’t get the greek stuff. strain for at least an hour, you want the consistency of the sour cream, so a fair amount of liquid needs to leave the yogurt.

mix all the non-cream stuff, mix the yogurt and cream, then mix the two mixes together. store and chill while you toast some flatbread (or pita) in the oven (or on the grill).

works well with … falafel (quick and dirty: 1 can garbanzos, an onion and spices you like — grind together in a blender with a slice of white bread (or flour if you’ve got) until it’s a paste. add a bit of olive oil if you need to moisten it a bit. form into balls with two spoons and then fry. et viola.)

mmmmmm

Porkchops of the gods.

• 2 pork chops (steak or chicken works)
• 1/2 large onion (or 1 whole medium onion)
• 2 cloves garlic
• a bit of olive oil
• a fistful of cilantro (must be fresh)
• a palmful of dill (fresh or dry, fresh is better)
• two spoons of sour cream
• hot pepper to taste (dry is fine, fresh is better)
• 1/8 to 1/4 cup of barbecue sauce (nothing fancy; something vaguely spicy-sweet is fine. I used 2 leftover packets of sauce from Tony Roma’s. Don’t be picky.

oil into pan, fire under pan, chop the onion, put into pan and salt it a bit to sweat, mince the garlic and drop that in, rub the chops (or $MEAT if you prefer) with a bit of salt, pepper and whatever other spice you insist on. Slide them under the onions so they brown a bit. After about 10 minutes in medium heat, flip. After 5 minutes of that, put 1/8 cup of water (a splash, really) and the barbecue sauce in. Chop the cilantro, dill and pepper. Put in half the cilantro, all the dill and all the pepper. Let the meat simmer in the herb-sauce. Once the meat is cooked, take the meat out but leave the rest of the stuff in the pan and drop in the sour cream. Stir until you’ve got a yellow-orange color in there and then drop the rest of the cilantro. Stir to incorporate and pour over the $MEAT.

Suggested side: Rice w/ raisins and almond slivers OR mashed potatoes with garlic and chives AND green beans OR peas AND/OR  avocado slices with olive oil and salt.

• 1 lb ground beef
• 2 bags peas, ~1000grams total
• 2 onions, diced
• 4-8 cloves of garlic, minced or sliced
• 1/4 of a very large tomato (or 1 small tomato) diced
• 1 jalapeño, seeded, minced
• 1 large heaping spoonful of curry powder
• 1 tsp garam marsala
• 1 tsp red curry powder
• 1 tsp red pepper
• small bunch cilatro, chopped
• 1 spoonful ground ginger (or ginger paste, whatever)
• 1 tsp of olive oil
• about a cup of water

oil a large pan, drop the onions into medium-low heat, toss in the garlic after a minute or two (ie, let the onions take a bit more heat than the garlic — garlic burns easier), toss in the tomato and jalapeño and ping everything with salt to sweat it. Once the onions are shiny but not translucent, get ‘em off the heat and onto a plate. Dump the meat in, when it’s getting towards brown, break it up and toss in the garam marsala, red curry and pepper flakes, let it brown a bit then dump in the peas in. Stir in the water and let it simmer until the water evaporates out and add a bit more. Bring the onion mixture back in and toss in the ginger and half the cilantro while holding the other half as garnish. Let simmer, stirring to keep it from sticking, until the water’s evaporated again, say about 20-30 minutes total (you’re really waiting for the peas to cook and take the flavor of the rest of the juices in the pot).

Serve over rice, cous-cous or as I did, with a side of pan-seared flatbread and tzatziki, a tomato salad (got the rest of the hugegantic tomato and sliced it, salted it and balsamic-vinegared-it. For jollies I threw in mushroom gnocci as a side, but that was less than stellar with the mom. Protip: mixing the keema with the tzaziki made pure happiness happen in your mouth, I recommend it.

You will need:

• 4 potatoes, diced
• 4 carrots, diced
• 6 onions, really fucking diced
• 4-6 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 lb bag of frozen peas
• 1 lb bag of frozen cauliflower
• 1 red pepper, diced
• 1 green pepper, diced
• 3 jalapenos, diced (optional: seeded)
• 1 tblsp salt
• 1/4 cup curry powder
• 1 tblspoon garam marsala
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil (avoid olive oil if you can help it)
• ginger, minced into paste about 1 tblsp.
• tomato sauce, 15-oz can
• coconut milk,15-oz can

Put the oil into pan, add medium heat; put onions into oil until tender (soft but not translucent) then add garlic and ginger. add salt, stir and wait 3 minutes for them to blend a bit. Dump in all the other veggies, tomato sauce, curry powder and garam marsala, stir. If it feels like there’s too little liquid in there, relax — the onion will sweat quite a bit out and the tomato sauce will help things get going. When you put in the coconut milk (at the end) you’ll get more liquid as well. Put your cauliflower and peas in the microwave and cook ‘em up. when they’re done, incorporate into the mixture and add coconut milk by 1/4 can until you get an orange-y yellow color. When the potato and carrots are fork-tender, you’re done. serve over rice and/or w/ naan.

The coconut milk makes it a bit sweeter than you would perhaps expect, so take that into account when deciding how spicy you want it. I cooked this for 24 (modified to: 10 potator, 6 carrots, 10 onions, 2 cans tomato, 1 whole can coconut, 24 cloves garlic, 1/2 c curry & oil and double the peppers) for a charity luncheon at work; looks like we cleared enough to get 3 or 4 kids’ cleft palates fixed for Christmas. Also, I burned my hand.

edit: we did the charity luncheon again this year and I made this again — we need a few vegan/vegetarian dishes to keep the veg/kosher/halal folks fed too, and I like making it. I’ve included pictures this time.